Kaufman-Astoria is Super Bad

Saturday morning Wesley and I wake up bright and early, as is our wont these days. We're not sure at what point we morphed into senior citizens but our circadian rhythms seem permanently set on "wake up early and have a fun day." I blame it on the pregnancy hormones, which really doesn't seem fair because I have pregnancy insomnia to boot. I will never sleep again.

So anyway, on Saturday, after drinking coffee, reading the paper, doing the NYT crossword puzzle (that's right, suckers, I can do Saturday), enjoying the infonot, eating breakfast, doing a little light housecleaning, going to Nita's for pregnant lady's second breakfast, reading a few chapters in my book, and clearing out my email inbox, Wesley had a suggestion.

"Wanna see Superbad?"

Fuck yeah, I want to see Superbad. (You do, too, by the way).

We chose the 11:05 at Kaufman Astoria so we could get back in time to do some more Time Warner Digital Cable surfing before the Mets game at 3:30.

We get to KA at 10:50, because we believe that you should be early for a movie. (We also believe that you should shut the fuck up and turn off your cell phone, but it's much more rewarding to believe in things you can control.)

There was a crowd outside, and the gates were down. There appeared to be no signs of life inside. We really didn't know what to do. Later shows would cut into our Mets game. Wesley said, "maybe we should go get waffles?" We've never gone for waffles before, so I guess he was joking, but it was coming up on time for my third breakfast so I was having a hard time concentrating on willing the movie theater to open because of the steady hum in my head, going "waffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffles."

At 11:02 the gates open and all 50 of us bumrushed the entrance. I headed for the ticket line, wishing I had body armor to protect my belly from the people who were diving over and under the line to get as close to the front as possible. I don't blame them because there was only 1 woman selling tickets.

Wesley joined the mob at the machines, even though that is a true fool's errand because only 2 of them ever work at any given time and it's never the same 2. I was easily 8 people back and still got my tickets from the 1 slow lady (who even disappeared for a few minutes) before the people in front of Wesley had scored a successful swipe.

At least they started the movies on time, because that's what's important. Screw the audience, right? We made it just in time for the 100 minutes of awesome vulgarity that was Superbad. I'd say it was worth it but I'm too hungry to keep writing.