Why the hell should I trek all the way out to Queens? Answers within.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Dear Mr. Softee

Dear Mr. Softee,

While I respect your right to drum up business, I mean really with gas prices these days you must have to sell an extra hundred rainbow pops a week just to pay to run your magical refridgeration vehicle. I beg of you, can you please use common sense when playing your song?

This is not Manhattan, I wouldn't propose a ban barring an entire generation from hearing a song that brings them back to their childhood. This is Queens, where Mr. Softee trucks run harder and faster than anyplace else. It is not uncommon to see them flying down Skillman Ave faster than a fire truck. (Does anyone else recall the infamous 45th street/Skillman accident a few years ago? When one hit a parked car, flipping both it and the truck, only leaving sad melting clown pops in the road?)

While I think common sense would suggest Mr. Softee might not get customers by mowing them down. I also think common sense dictates that 11 in the morning while school is in session is not the best time to be driving around a neighborhood with the song blaring parking on the side of the road until the street cleaner chases you away. Nor is 11 pm the best time to stalk the neighborhood children for a late night frozen treat.

Mr. Softee, you are a big white truck with an HVAC system that sounds like a jet engine. We see you. And after one song, we hear you. But after several hearings of your song, we don't like you! Please try to use common sense, and in turn we promise not to drive by YOUR home several times a day blasting an annoying song out of OUR windows!

Sincerely,
Ms. Italian Ice

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know the lyrics to the Mister Softee theme song?

I'm sure it's the theme song to homicidal madness itself, viz:

I'm getting right inside your head
My name is Mister Softee
You want your goddamn neighbor dead
My name is Mister Softee
Kill them all,
Burn them all,
Burn them all,
Kill them all,
You want a cone of twist?

Anonymous said...

Brilliant lyrics, fellow anonymous poster above me!

Y'know, they're supposed to turn that damn jingle off when the truck's not in motion. But it's Nueva York, after all, where 'supposed to' don't mean nuttin'...

Claire Deveron said...

that's genius... now it will be in my head all day with your lyrics. What are your cross streets?

Jeremy Kareken said...

I'm on 39th Avenue, near the park. D'oh! There goes my anonymity!

Ladadadadada
my name is mister sofffteeeee

Does anyone know the ACTUAL lyrics?

Anonymous said...

Ahh yes, here they are, with SHEET MUSIC.

http://www.mistersoftee.com/music.asp

Anonymous said...

Great lyrics!
very funny!
By the way, here are the lyrics:
The CREAM-i-est DREAM-i-est SOFT ice CREAM

you GET from MIS-ter SOF-tee.

FOR a re-FRESH-ing de-LIGHT su-PREME

LOOK for MIS-ter SOF-tee...."